what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
