i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
