my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
