dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
