I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
