I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
