a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
