look no pants
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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