didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
