I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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