why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
