Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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