I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
