Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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