Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
