4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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