meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's blow job season.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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