Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
