You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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