He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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