Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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