There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
only you would photoshop your dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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