god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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