omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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