Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
