Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
