When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
