if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
