why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
