peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
