No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I wear drunk well.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
