Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
