I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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