Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
