Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
