I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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