I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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