is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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