What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
