i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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