i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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