so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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