You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
