Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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