I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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