if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
