there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
