I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
