Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
