My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
