that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
