So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
